on vacation

ok, so i'm at my mom's, SUPPOSEDLY on vacation, but it's turning into more of the same, plus having to baby-sit my younger siblings. my sister's 11, and my brother's 13, so they can pretty well keep themselves out of trouble, right? well, not so much. my sister seems to think it's cute or funny or something to act all helpless and obnoxious, so that's what she does. then my brother is all KINDS of moody all the time and refuses to do his school work. he claims it's b/c he doesn't like school, but he KNOWS that this is just gonna land him in summer school - WHAT GIVES?!?!?!?! i SO don't get it. i've asked him to explain it to me, but he can't. oh well. anyways, so my mom's enjoying the visit, she gets to play w/ trevor and she's spending her 2nd night at the firehouse since i've been here. i know she misses getting to do that, it's her only real outlet. . . but she can't very well leave the 2 kids home alone over-night, you know? i remember her trying to do that when i was abut 16 or so and i FREAKED OUT at about 10 or 11 that night. i called my grandma and asked her to come spend the night w/ us. . . i was totally capable of doing it myself, but i never had before, so i thought about it too much. oh well.

so it's been nice to not have to cook and clean for the most part, and i'm enjoying that. i help out here and there, but only b/c i feel like it, not b/c i have to, you know? well, that and taking care of trevor. he and i have been sick alot since we've been here, hence why it's taken me 2 weeks to write. we got here the evening of 3/14 (2 fridays ago). . . well, the next night, i hired a baby-sitter for trevor and went out w/ my mom. we ended up having to come home early b/c i wasn't feeling well. i ended up puking my guts out all weekend. sad day! anyways, i was mostly better after a day or 2, but trevor had these nasty, blow-out diapers for about a week. i was doing his laundry every other day b/c he went through so many clothes! funny thing is though, he'd poop and get it all the way up to his armpits (no, i'm not kidding, i SO wish i was!), and he didn't care. but 2 drops of pee that stayed in the diaper? MUST be changed IMMEDIATELY!!!!! that was interesting. so then, after he went back to normal for a day or 2, he and i both got this nasty cold that i'm not sure isn't the flu. we're both hacking up a lung, running fevers, congested, sneezing, and i dunno about him, but i just generally feel rotten - totally wiped out, headache, my sinuses hurt, my throat hurts, and i haven't been sleeping well even though i can barely keep my eyes open. oh yeah, and he was wheezing tonight, poor kid. i'm glad i thought to bring his nebulizer w/ me, or we'd have been headed to the er. . . he hasn't been eating solids at ALL, and while i've been feeling ok in that regard, my appetite is DEFINATELY not what it normally is. . . i'm starting to feel a little better, which is good, since we're flying to utah on tuesday, but i know i'm not completely out of the woods yet. i just hope that we're both ok for the flight, i hate flying when i'm sick, it makes everything feel a thousand time worse!

other than that, things are going well. i've been able to see a bunch of my friends, and go to alot of the restaurants i miss. everyone's been going gaga over trevor and his crazy hair, and i'm dancing again! yay! rehearsals aren't quite as brutal as i'd imagined they'd be, but i'm still sore. it feels good to get back into it, even if it's only for this short while. i'm excited for the show coming up in a couple weeks, i just hope i can remember my dances!

since my mom doesn't have cable, i've rediscovered books since i've been here. i blew through twilight, new moon, and eclipse in the first 4 days (and it only took that long b/c i couldn't find a copy of eclipse for a day and a half), and now i've moved on to others. i've read 4 or 5 more, i've lost count, as well as realized i've already read a few that i thought i hadn't (and while they were good, they weren't worth rereading), and i've got a few more to work on. i'll have to hit the library again soon though, i'm running low! i'm reading about a book a day, sometimes more, depending on how long it is. i'm super antsy about the 4th book from the twlight series coming out in august. . . i've already pre-ordered my copy so that i can read it as soon as possible. i'm way excited about it, i can't wait! oh, and the MOVIE, wow, i just can't even TELL you how excited i am for THAT! anyways, yeah, that's mostly what i've been up to, since my brother and sister monopolize the computer all day (they're on spring break till monday), and there's basically no tv here. . .

anyways, that's about it. . . i'm headed to utah for a week on tuesday, then i'll be back here for a week. i was lucky enough to get a bunch of conference tickets, so i'm WAY excited about that, as well as getting to see friends and family in utah. then when i get back to maryland, it's stage rehearsals and the show, then out to dinner w/ the fam to celebrate my birthday and my mom's birthday, then it's back to south carolina. i'm having a good time visiting people and all, but i miss the warm weather, my nice, big bed, and my dvr. . . it'll be good to get home, although i'm REALLY not looking forward to the drive. . . ugh. . . i'm hoping it'll be a shorter drive home than it was to get up here (10 hours to get here, as opposed to 7-8 hours when it's just me). . . either way, i'll get there eventually, right? anyways, i need to go get some sleep, and i PROBABLY won't get the chance to post again while i'm away (but i'll try!), so yeah, check back in a couple weeks! :)

fighting sleep, among other things

ok, so trevor's decided to start this fighting sleep thing. . . last night it took him nearly 2 hours to finally calm down and sleep. there was no REASON for it, other than the fact that he COULD. he refused to take an afternoon nap yesterday and is in the process of throwing a tantrum in his crib right now as well. ugh! he's so tired and you can tell, but he REFUSES to sleep! i have no idea what's going on w/ him, he's healthy, he's fed, he has a clean diaper. he's been loved on and played w/, there's nothing OBVIOUS that's wrong w/ him. every attempt i make at calming him down only gets him more convinced to continue the scream-fest, so here i am, forced to listen to him scream while praying the whole time that he'll eventually stop and fall asleep. . . and hopefully that'll happen before it's time to get up. . .

so i know i have it easy, that he's relatively low-maintenance as far as babies go, but still. i like my happy-go-lucky baby; i haven't no idea what happens that turns him into this cranky, fussy mess that he sometimes turns into. he's like baby jeckel and mr. hyde, i swear!

however, on a positive note, trevor's decided it's time to start feeding himself. i sat him down for lunch and proceeded to feed him some applesauce, a current favorite. . . he ate about 2 bites before he started fussing and reaching for the spoon. then he got upset b/c i wouldn't let him have it, so i figured i'd give him some puffs to munch on in between bites of applesauce. . . well, he COMPLETELY lost interest in the applesauce, so his lunch consisted solely of blueberry puffs. . . oh well. . . check him out--

he did very well, in my opinion. he dropped a few on the floor and in his seat, but not many, compared to how many he actually got in his mouth! plus, being the resourceful mommy that i am, i fished them out and put them back on his tray. . . :P oh well, i figure i just cleaned the floor a couple days ago, and the only thing that's been in the high chair is trevor, so it wouldn't hurt him. :)

so i think trevor's FINALLY settling down to sleep! yay! the part you wouldn't know is that i stopped typing this for about 20 minutes to give him a bottle, teething drops, and tylenol and let him chew on my finger (ouch) in hopes that it would help. he still cried for about 10 minutes when i put him down, but he's been quiet for a few minutes now, yay!

AUGH! some idiot just raced up the street on a VERY loud motorcycle. i SWEAR, if they woke him up. . . ugh! *pause* ok, nothing yet, so i think it's safe to assume he didn't notice. . . good. i was about to go kick some shins. . .

so back to the feeding himself thing, i'm excited; i'm hoping this is the beginning of trevor being able to handle foods that aren't completely liquified. so far the only other thing he can handle is the gerber puffs. i gave him a couple bits of cheese at lunch and he seemed to do alright w/ those. and the other day i gave him tiny pieces of avocado. he did really well! i'm just wondering what else he'll be able to handle vs. what he'll end up gagging on, you know?

i got pictures the other day when trevor figured out his sippy cup! yay! here's a picture of that--

that was on friday. . . then on sunday, we were at church and he saw another little boy leave his sippy cup on the floor, so he made a beeline for it. i grabbed it right before he did. . . that would be all we need, for trevor to slobber all over someone else's cup and spread his germs. he's been sick so much lately, i just don't wanna risk giving any of that to other kids. . . anyways, he was all upset and started to cry b/c i wouldn't let him have the cup. poor kid. whatever, though, he was fine. i distracted him w/ a toy and he was happy again. . .

so yeah, i just wanted to brag on trevor a little, but now that he's asleep, i'm gonna get some other things done. . . i'll write more another day!

tagged!

10 years ago I was..........

about to turn 13. . . i was in 7th grade and was anxious for my first kiss. i was so head over heels boy crazy, i honestly don't know how i did ANYTHING else! i was a total boy band groupie and would have DIED to see n*sync in concert. . .

5 Thing on my to-do list today

1. close a bank account that is no longer needed (check!)
2. refill prescriptions (check!)
3. shower (check!)
4. run some errands (some are done, others aren't)
5. go to olive garden for dinner (will get checked off at 630! yay!)

Things I would do if I were suddenly a Billionaire

pay off my student loans, buy brand new cars, as well as a lifetime supply of gas, put away money for college for trevor and any future kids, build our dream home, pay off my mom's mortgage and offer to put her through college, put jon and myself through grad school, invest everything else in a roth ira.

3 of my bad habits

1. procrastinating - i'm doing it right now! :)
2. playing on the computer instead of playing w/ my son. . . i know, bad mommy. . . :(
3. picking the skin off my lips. . . it's a nervous habit though,i don't even realize i'm doing it till they start to hurt or bleed. . .

Jobs I've had...

retail - repeat performance and party land
byu event staff
teaching assistant for family finance
waitress
nanny
mom

5 Thing people don't know about me...

1. i can dislocate my thumbs, shoulders, and hips. . . i don't do it anymore, but i CAN. . .
2. i like my cinnamon raisin bagels w/ cream cheese and turkey lunchmeat, yum!
3. i used to have a goal to become professional make-up artist. . . my mom convinced me i'd need chemistry to get there, so i took it in high school and i decided to study that instead!
4. my absolute FAVORITE rides at amusement parks are the swings that go in a circle and the white water rafting type ones.
5. i'm pro-life AND pro-choice at the same time. . . pro-life in my personal life, but pro-choice politically. . . who am i to tell other women they shouldn't be allowed to make that decision?

i'm tagging brooke (http://www.brooksfamilysc.blogspot.com/), shelley (http://chrisandhisthreegirls.blogspot.com/), and rebecca (http://coolclaw.blogspot.com/)

If you have been tagged, it is because I find you interesting, not because I want to annoy you. If you choose not to do it I won't be upset at all.

i had a dream. . .

no really, i just woke up! i was having this dream that really made an impression on me. . . it's something i'd actually been thinking about for a while now, but the dream really made it hit home for me. the concept is really quite simple, but i'll tell what i remember of the whole dream before actually making my point. . . have fun wading through the randomness of my dream, but first a little background--

so there was this guy i dated in college, named dan (here we are at a dance when we first started dating back in october 2003)--

it was kinda serious for a while, but he left to go on his mission and i got married while he was out. he's since gotten married as well. i've wanted to stay friends, but for whatever reason, he's been really weird about it. it makes me sad b/c he really was an awesome guy. i dunno if it's a decision he and his wife made together or one that he made on his own, but either way, he's basically chosen to completely cut me out of his life. at one point he told me that whenever i made the trip to utah, they'd like to get to together w/ me; i wrote him an email saying i was coming in april, and it's been a few weeks. i haven't heard anything from him yet. i assume that means they're no longer interested, which is fine, their decision, you know? anyways, the 2 of them are the other people in my dream. . .

so i was talking to dan about being a mom and bragging on trevor and how great he is. i talked about my decision to ep and the unexpected blessings that have come from that choice. . . we talked about school and just regular stuff you talk about w/ someone you're catching up w/, you know? we were at his house (which, by the way, i've never been to or seen, so it was just some fabrication of my subconscious), and he walked into another room that i could only guess was some kind of office or study - big desk, lots of books, and a big, cushy recliner. he sat on the desk while i stood leaning against the doorway, talking. i started talking about the way i'd pictured my life as a kid and the things i saw myself doing, how i hadn't expected many of the things that have happened, but i wouldn't change it for the world. then i started talking about the biggest point i wanted to make to him, something i wanted him and his wife to talk about and really understand for when they have kids. i said something to the effect of, "i really think that one of the biggest challenges women face in this life is staying home w/ their kids. don't get me wrong, i LOVE that i'm able to be at home w/ trevor, but there are days where i wish i worked outside the home. everyone has challenges that are meant to make them stronger, better people; i truly believe that for women, one of the biggest, most trying challenges is wanting the validation of working outside the home while still understanding the importance of being home w/ the kids. i feel so torn between the 2, and i feel guilty for it. when jon and i made the decision to have a baby, i could think of nothing that would bring me more joy than being able to watch my child grow every day. i thought, who would want to work when they could stay home and watch this amazing process? but the rose-colored glasses come off at some point, and i've found myself looking around, feeling like this is NOT the higher purpose i imagined."

the dream ended there b/c i woke up, but i have all these huge feelings i can't seem to figure out. it is SO important to me that i stay home w/ my kids, and i love that i'm able to, but at the same time, i often feel like i could do so much more. . . that conflicts w/ the belief i have that this is the MOST important thing i can do for the world - raise honest, respectful, confident, happy, productive children who want to be good people and serve their designed function in society. still though, it's hard at times, so i guess i'm posting this for all the other moms out there who feel the way i do. . .

i know that eventually i'll fulfill my goals and dream, but it's so hard to wait. it's difficult to watch jon reaching for his goals and achieving them and i have to sit back and watch. i feel like i have to put my dreams on hold for my kids, but at the same time, having kids and being a stay at home mom IS one of my dreams. . . so you can see where my dilemma lies. . . it's like i'm having to trade one dream for another while jon gets to have all of his at once. i know he doesn't take it for granted, which i appreciate so much, but it's still so hard for me. . . i just wish that i could do both - be a sahm AND go back to school, work, etc. . .

intro - welcome to my life!

well, i've been thinking i should jump on the blogging bandwangon for a while now, but i could never seem to find the time. i finally made myself just do it - i'm really excited! so i figured that since this is the first time i'm writing anything, i'd just give anyone reading a general overview of my life. i'll get into actual goings-on next time. i'm gonna try to write here at least once a week, possibly more. but i'm gonna make once a week the minimum. so here we go!

we're a military family and so far, it's been great! granted, jon doesn't get all the respect he'd like, since he's enlisted, but that should change at some point in the not-so-distant future. we're hoping he can become an officer soon, which will afford him alot more opportunity to make the impact he wants in the world. right now he's deployed, so it's just me and trevor, getting through it together! this is our family, right before jon left--

trevor is my whole world! i couldn't be a prouder mama - he's growing so fast, i'm trying so hard just to enjoy each stage as it comes! he's 9 months today and so stinkin' cute! check him out--

see? jon and i do good work, huh? :) that's his brand new carseat too, which i'm immensely proud of. we got it on sale, and it's AWESOME! it'll last him for a while, we're hoping, b/c it goes to 65 pounds - yay! it's a britax boulevard, the cadillac of carseats. . . trevor doesn't like that he has to be buckled in and out of it everytime we go somewhere, he's used to the infant seat that i can just throw in the huge travel system stroller, but he'll get over it soon, i'm sure. . . and it's more that he doesn't like being buckled in. . . he sure doesn't mind getting out!

it hasn't quite been 2 years since we moved here, but there are certain things i took for granted before - like getting to dance. i occasionally still get the chance, but it's usually when i go over to the base gym and dance in between the people working out w/ their personal trainers. it's better than nothing, but i really miss taking classes and being pushed to improve by someone other than myself. pretty soon though, i'll get the opportunity again, for however short a time - i'm heading up to maryland to take part in my old company's production of coppelia in april! yay!

another thing i miss desperately is sleeping in. that's more b/c jon is gone and trevor likes to wake up MUCH earlier than i do. . . but still, i miss it. that and sleeping the whole night. it's only PARTLY trevor's fault too. he sleeps through the night, for the most part, but since he never learned how to nurse, i've been pumping to give him breastmilk. formula just costs to dang much, and breastmilk is better for him and me anyways! and while i've been super blessed w/ a larger supply than i need, it's also become a burden. i haven't slept the whole night through since trevor was born b/c i have to get up to pump at 3 am every single night. i'm looking forward to the day i'll finally be done - it's coming up soon though, happy day! i'm storing everything i get, stockpiling it in my friend's deep freezer, so that i can stop pumping early, but still give trevor breastmilk until his birthday. i am SO excited about it - no one could know how happy i am about this unless they've exclusively pumped for this long as well. . . it really is a huge relief! so here's to counting down the days i have left! ;)

anyways, i can't think of anything else to write for the time being, so i think i'll end here. hopefully i'll think of more interesting things to say next time around and you all will keep on reading!